


Couldn't Get Much Higher

by LivingThroughtheNight



Series: The Captain and the Cafe [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Parents, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, F/F, Military
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-09-23 18:03:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9670022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LivingThroughtheNight/pseuds/LivingThroughtheNight
Summary: It's an add-on to 'CHASING GHOSTS'!!!I missed this universe.Hollstein is just living life and having a family together.





	1. Change

**Author's Note:**

> 'I don't know if I'm chasing ghosts  
> Put my hand in the flame of a flickering lighter  
> Again and again, I was lucky just to find her'  
> ...  
> 'I'm going up, I couldn't get much higher  
> She sets, she sets the city on fire'  
> \- Gavin DeGraw, "She Set The City On Fire"
> 
> Enjoy.

Carmilla peeked into the baby's room to make sure Landon was still sleeping. He was passed out in his crib with the pacifier laying next to his head, where it fell out of his still open mouth. She smirked and ran her fingertips across the blonde hair that was finally covering his head. Then, she quietly left the room. 

She had to open the cafe at five in the morning that day and finally gave herself a break around noon. When she first entered the apartment, her wife was nowhere in sight. So her first choice was to check Landon's room. Seeing that he was sleeping, she walked back down the hall and turned to head toward her bedroom. The door was cracked open the tiniest bit. She pushed it open gently.

Carmilla took a deep breath through her nose. Laura was on the floor doing her typical workout routine. She was currently in the push-up stage, but only wearing boy shorts and a sports bra. The cafe owner tilted her head to shamelessly ogle her wife.

The muscles were so clearly shifting under her scarred skin. Her breathing was heavy, but steady. Carmilla could hear Laura counting under her breath. She must have ended her repetitions because she hopped up to her feet and began stretching her arms. Then, she bent down to pick up the baby monitor she had placed on the floor. Carmilla's eyes landed on her ass.

Laura stood back up and turned slightly, jumping dramatically with her hand flying to her heart. "Jesus! _Carm_!" She tossed the baby monitor onto the bed and sighed heavily. "You can't just sneak up like that! I was about to go into defense mode."

Carmilla held her hands up to show no aggression. "Sorry. I was just really enjoying the view," she ended with a smirk.

The soldier glared. "Like you've never seen the view before."

"Maybe I'm still in awe with how your body ever gave birth."

Laura rolled her eyes and proceeded to grab her shirt on the bed. Carmilla quickly stepped in and placed her hands on the blonde's hips, turning her towards her. "I'm serious. Look at you!" she let her eyes travel down her body.

The soldier chuckled and tried to push the brunette away. " _Stop_."

"Stop being so damn attractive," Carmilla smirked as she pulled Laura against her tightly.

"Oh, so if I wasn't like this, you'd think I was disgusting?" she asked with a pointed look.

The cafe owner sighed. "Actually probably not. I think I'm well past the point of ever finding you _un_ attractive."

Laura playfully gasped. "Did I inherit the Karnstein Curse? Is my charm that captivating?" she mocked.

Carmilla glared. "Sorry, cupcake. But you can't inherit that ability by just tacking 'Karnstein' onto the end of your name." Laura pouted, which caused the brunette to smile. "But you don't need it. I've been under your spell for longer than I care to admit."

"Aw! You're being so cute!" Laura cooed as she tapped her index finger on the tip of her wife's nose.

Carmilla glared in response. "How many times do I have to tell you, woman? I'm not cute. I'm charming."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. How could I be so careless?" she asked as she gently pushed Carmilla down onto the bed. She stood in between the brunette's legs and placed her hands on her shoulders. "What can I do to make it up to you?"

Carmilla began to grin. "I don't know, Captain. How do you usually make it up to your soldiers?" she asked as her hands rested on the blonde's hips. 

"Praising is the best I can do. Anything else would be against regulation."

"Hmm," the cafe owner hummed as she let her eyes fall to the waistband of Laura's shorts. Her index fingers slipped underneath it and began to slowly glide along the skin beneath the elastic. "My ego could use a boost..."

Laura grinned before she pressed against the brunette's shoulders and pushed her backwards onto the mattress. "Well, Private Karnstein..."

"Karnstein-Hollis, ma'am," Carmilla corrected smugly.

Laura continued to grin, perhaps even more. She straddled the brunette's waist. " _Karnstein-Hollis_ ," she repeated. "I'd like to show you how much I appreciate your commitment to my squad," she said before letting her lips slowly meet her wife's. The soldier began to gently grind down into Carmilla's hips; the brunette moving her hands to grab Laura's ass in response.

"Laura," Carmilla sighed against her lips after a heated kiss.

The blonde snickered as she moved to plant kisses on her wife's neck. "You never last in role playing," she said before nibbling on her pulse point.

The cafe owner groaned. "I try! But you're just so damn good, I get lost and forget," she hummed as Laura continued to kiss along her jaw.

The soldier shifted her hips slightly and reached down to undo the button of Carmilla's jeans. "I suppose that's acceptable," she said just before capturing her lips again. Her tongue slipped into her mouth as Laura's hand slipped into Carmilla's pants. The brunette took a sharp intake of breath before feeling a grin against her lips.

"You're not wearing underwear?"

Carmilla smirked up at the soldier. "We're a little behind on laundry." 

Honey eyes filled with lust. "Well allow me to add to the pile," she said before letting her fingers play beneath the now wet fabric. Carmilla's hips bucked from the touch and her head fell back; eyes shut and mouth slightly ajar. 

"Mom! Mama! I'm home!"

Their eyes both shot open and fell on their bedroom door.

"Shit!" Carmilla growled as she pushed up on the soldier's shoulders. Laura went stumbling backwards on the bed and searched for her shirt to throw on.

"Crap! I forgot she had a half-day today!" the blonde hissed as she pulled the shirt over her head.

Carmilla buttoned her pants quickly. "What? Why does she have a half-day?!"

"Parent/Teacher conferences are tonight," Laura reminded her. She then threw the bedroom door open and went around the corner. "Hey, Liv. Keep it down. Your brother's sleeping," she said with her index finger in front of her lips. The soldier stepped into the kitchen where the girl was searching the fridge for a snack. "How was school?" she asked as she leaned onto the kitchen island.

Livie shrugged without looking away from the fridge. "Lindsey told me she has a crush on Tommy."

Laura's eyebrows shot up. This was new territory. She looked back to see Carmilla coming around the corner.

"Hey, kiddo," Carmilla greeted as she placed an arm around Laura's shoulders. She saw Laura's face and furrowed her brows. "What's up?" she asked hesitantly.

"Lindsey has a crush on Tommy," Laura explained.

Carmilla's mouth fell open slightly before her eyes went to Livie who had just decided on grabbing an apple. The cafe owner then looked back at her wife with fear in her eyes. It was happening. The time where feelings and such started turning her daughter into a teenager. It was still too early though! She thought she had at least another year or two!

"Does that bother you, Liv?" Laura asked gently.

"Huh? Does what bother me?" the girl asked as she took a bite. She had been lost in her own thoughts.

"That Lindsey has a crush on Tommy," the soldier continued. She knew her wife wasn't going to be the best help here.

"Oh," Livie replied with a sigh. "I don't know."

"Do you like someone?" Carmilla asked hurriedly. Laura turned to glare at her.

' _Seriously_?' the blonde mouthed.

' _What_?' her wife mouthed back.

"No? I don't know," Livie answered in frustration as she stared down at her apple. "I just want us to go back to the way it used to be. It was just the three of us being friends and none of this craziness was going on," she slumped down onto the stool at the island.

Laura smiled sadly at her daughter. "As exciting as growing up can be at times, sometimes the change that comes with it can be upsetting."

"Why do things have to change though?" the not-so-little girl asked desperately.

The soldier sighed as she thought for an answer. "Remember how you used to hate broccoli? We had to bribe you to finish your plate," she smiled at the thought. It wasn't even that long ago. "Now you love it! Change can be good!"

Livie frowned. "Yeah..." She didn't seem to like that answer.

"What's your favorite season, Liv?" Carmilla asked softly. Laura looked at her. Her expression looked defeated. Perhaps her wife was fighting the battle of change as well.

"Summer," she answered dejectedly. "No, wait. Winter. I don't know. I can't decide."

The older brunette smirked slightly. "Okay, so you like summer and winter. What do you like about them?"

"In the summer, I don't have to go to school. Everything is green and we can go swimming in the lake. And in the winter, there's Christmas, and snow, which can close school for the day."

Carmilla narrowed her eyes toward her daughter. "You used to love school. Now all you like are the times when there isn't any."

Laura began to laugh. "Like mother like daughter..." The cafe owner glared at her wife before looking back at their daughter.

"Well in order for it to snow, the weather has to get colder. And in colder weather, all the green plants and trees die. And when it's that cold, the lake will freeze over, so you can't swim. In order for new things to come, old things need to be left behind." She leaned onto the island and placed her hand on her daughter's. "It might be sad for a moment, but the memories will always make you smile. And just like how you know it'll snow again next year, there are things to look forward to."

Livie took a deep breath. "Getting older is a lot of work."

Carmilla scoffed as she stood straight up again. "Tell me about it." She looked back at her wife, whose smile graced her lips. Laura's eyes shined brightly back at her as she reached to grab her hand.

"I'm gonna head downstairs and see if Perry or JP need any help," Livie said as she stood up and made her way out of the apartment.

Laura smiled sadly at Carmilla. "How much did that hurt?"

"Why do things have to change?" she whined.

"Hey, you gave a better answer than I could," the blonde defended as she wrapped her arms around the cafe owner's neck.

"I'm not ready for her to get her heart broken!" she groaned with her forehead slamming down onto her wife's shoulder.

"It's gonna be okay," Laura chuckled as she rubbed her back.

Livie then opened the front door and peeked her head through. "Oh, um, and Mom?"

Carmilla lifted her head as both parents turned to look at their girl.

"I _might_ have tried using your lipstick this morning, and I _might_ have twisted it too much, and the whole thing _might_ have broken off when I tried to put it on... And then fell on the floor... Now it's just broken and covered in Mr. Fox's hair... _Sooooo_... Sorryloveyoubye!" she said in rapid fire before slamming the door shut.

Laura immediately started laughing as Carmilla stared at the door with her mouth slightly open. The soldier leaned up and kissed the brunette's cheek. "You okay, Mom?"

Carmilla took a deep breath. " _Sure_." Then, they heard Landon crying down the hall. Laura pulled away to go check on him, but Carmilla grabbed her wrist. "I'll go. I need to bathe in youth," she said gruffly before kissing Laura on the cheek and heading toward her little boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHA Did you see it??? 
> 
> 'SOLDIER'S SHOULDERS' HAS RETURNED


	2. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I wrote something! Isn't that crazy?!
> 
> All Time Low song "Nightmares" inspired this chapter.
> 
> I missed this universe... sigh...
> 
> Enjoy!

Laura shot up on the bed with a loud gasp. Her heart was slamming away in her chest as beads of sweat coated her forehead. The dark hotel room left her disoriented. Waking up away from the bloody scenes in her head was comforting, but this wasn't her bedroom. She glanced down to her side. She was alone.

She shut her eyes in realization and took a deep breath before running a hand through her hair. The soldier was away for the weekend at a conference. Laura was asked to be a guest speaker once again by her old superiors. Apparently the blonde brought a sense of humility and compassion that left people inspired. Flattered, she couldn't really decline the invitation.

But it had been years since she spent a night away from her family. It had been years since she stepped away from her old army world. Breaking from her routine must have left her subconscious to dig around in unwanted territory. 

It wasn't like she never had these familiar nightmares anymore. They were just very infrequent. And when she did have them, her wife was always there next to her when she woke up. The woman grounded her. And when she weakly curled up next to the brunette, Carmilla instinctively knew how to make it all go away. Even in her barely awakened state, she would hold her tightly; placing a soft kiss against the visible scar along her shoulder. "I got you," she'd mumble. Her gentle breaths hitting the soldier's skin and lulling her back to sleep.

But Laura was alone now in foreign territory. She rubbed her forehead to try and relieve the stress building throughout her body. With her eyes closed, images of her dream kept creeping to the forefront of her mind. Explosions and screaming...

The blonde gritted her teeth before swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. She bent over, propping her elbows up on her knees as she held her head in her hands. Taking slow deep breaths, she tried to relax the muscles in her body. She was tense and after a moment, she groaned in frustration and sat back up.

Looking at the bedside table, she stared down at her phone. After a few seconds, she sighed and picked it up to dial the number. It was in the middle of the fourth ring before being answered.

The line came through, followed by the clearing of a throat. "H-hello?"

A sad smile came to Laura's lips. "Hey, Carm."

"Is everything okay?" A hint of worry slipped into her sleepy tone.

"Yeah," she reassured quickly. "Just... Needed to hear your voice."

A second of silence followed before a reply. "One sec." The soldier heard some shuffling through the phone before finally hearing her wife clear her throat again.

"Sorry. Didn't want to wake the monster in our bed."

Laura began to grin. "You replaced me already?"

Carmilla scoffed. "Our son isn't nearly as monstrous as you. He's a cover hog, but nowhere close to being in your league."

"I like snuggling," she responded weakly with a pout. 

"No kidding," the brunette answered with a roll of her eyes.

"Did you have to bribe him to sleep with you?" Laura chuckled. Their five year old boy was trying to do everything on his own now. He was being stubborn, like his mothers, and kept reminding them that he was old enough to do things now.

But he still needed his nightlight.

"I'm offended, cupcake. I've never once had to bribe anyone to get into bed with me. They've always been willing participants."

It was Laura's turn to roll her eyes. "Awake for two minutes and you're already in the gutter."

"Babe. We've been married for years now. You've known me for _years_ before that. Have I ever given you any indication that I  _leave_ the gutter?"

Laura openly laughed. "Fair point. You're gross."

Carmilla smirked into the phone. "You love it."

The blonde shook her head with a soft smile. "So he willingly asked to sleep with you?"

"It was ridiculous how adorable it was. I swear he's an exact replica of you sometimes and it's just really damn rude how my heart has no restraint." There was a frustrated sigh that followed.

"Stop it. I'm having different scenarios of that scene playing through my head right now, and I might start crying."

Carmilla chuckled. "Well, I'm pretty sure you would have cried if you saw it, so that's only fair. He said he didn't like Mama being away. Said my voices for bedtime reading sucked."

Laura busted out laughing. Ever since their sixteen year old daughter commented on the movie they were watching last week, saying, "This sucks," Landon had been regularly saying what _he_ thought sucked.

"I know Liv is fully to blame, but that's hilarious."

"Or rude..."

"Oh, don't act like you're offended. You know you'll use this as an excuse for me to permanently take over storytime."

"As if you don't already take over."

"But your voices _do_ suck!"

"You know what else sucks?"

Laura lifted a brow, anticipating the insult. "Me?"

"Well, yeah. But I was gonna say you not being here."

The soldier's heart fluttered as a sad smile took over her lips. "I know," she whispered.

"I know I complain about you stealing all the covers, and Landon is doing a decent job, but I'm finding that I still have an abundance of sheets and it's just really cumbersome."

Laura grabbed a pillow and hugged it into her chest; her chin resting on it as she smiled warmly. "It's almost like you miss me or something."

"Yeah... Something like that," she answered in that rare gentle tone that sent Laura's heart in disarray. "So..." the cafe owner started up again. "You gonna tell me why you called at... Jesus, what time is it?"

"3:42."

A groan came in response, causing Laura to cringe. "Cupcake, I'd like the real reason why you're calling. Because as much of a punk as you are, you're not this mean." 

Laura sighed. "I'm sorry. I just-" She gripped onto the edge of the mattress firmly and took a deep breath. "I had a bad dream and felt too alone when I woke up."

Carmilla's chest ached at the sound of her small voice. Her brows furrowed as she tried to find the words to say. She heard a sniff through the phone.

"I haven't woken up alone from a nightmare in years. The pain is still in my veins and every time I close my eyes, I see a shimmer of that world. I know I shouldn't be dependent in case of situations like this, but hearing you; feeling you wrap your arms around me; I'm so safe. I don't feel like such a mess."

Silence fell between them. Then, Carmilla spoke.

"Do you remember what you asked me the day you came back to Silas?"

"Uh, you're gonna have to be a little more specific, Carm," she said with amusement and another sniff. "That was like a decade ago."

"9 years," Carmilla corrected with a small smirk. "But you came into the cafe, wearing your cute little uniform, and you sat at the counter drinking a cup of coffee that I practically had to force you to stay for. And I just kept staring at you." She started again with a chuckle. "You were annoyed because I had asked you to stay, but I wasn't making much conversation. I couldn't help it though. I couldn't believe you were really there. I kept staring at you as if you were gonna vanish at any moment. Kept trying to memorize every little detail before you were gone again." A sigh came from her before she continued. "And then you asked me if you looked broken."

Laura felt her shoulders slouch at the statement. Her brows furrowed.

"Do you remember how you felt then?"

The blonde thought for a moment. She'd never been so lost in her life. "It was horrible," she whispered.

"But even so, you didn't look broken. You went through hell, cupcake. There's no sugar-coating that. But God damn, if you aren't the strongest human I know. I mean, you wouldn't be a guest speaker if you weren't as amazing as you are."

The corner of the soldier's lips twitched into a tiny smile. "I love you, you know that?"

"That's news to me," Carmilla replied playfully.

"Mommy?" a sleepy voice came from behind. The brunette spun around to see the little blonde boy rubbing his eye as he stood in the hallway.

Carmilla's brows lifted. "Hey, kiddo. Sorry, did I wake you?"

He shook his head as he yawned. "I woke up and you were gone."

She smiled back at him sadly as she walked toward him and ran her fingertips through his hair. "Sorry, bud. Hey, someone wants to say hello," she said before handing him the phone.

His brows furrowed in confusion as he lifted the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, Land. How's my little man doin'?" Laura spoke sweetly through the phone.

His eyes widened slightly. "Mama?"

The soldier giggled. "Yeah, it's me."

He then frowned. "Did Mommy wake you up?"

"No, I actually woke her up."

"Oh. Why?"

"I-" she caught herself. She then sighed. "You know how when you have a really bad dream, you come and knock on our door? So we can make you feel better?"

He nodded as he answered. "Uh-huh..."

"Well, I had a nightmare and needed Mommy to make me feel better."

"You have bad dreams too?" he asked in surprise.

"Yeah," she said sadly.

"Did it work? Did Mommy fix it?"

She smiled into the phone. "Yeah. Mommy fixed it. But you know what helped even more?"

"What?"

"Talking to you."

"Really?" he asked with a grin forming on his lips.

"Mhm."

There was a pause in the conversation before he spoke again. "You being away sucks."

She started laughing. "Landon, you can't say that word."

"But Livie gets to!" he whined.

"Your sister is older. But she should know better than to say that in front of you."

"We know she's not smart, Mama. She does dumb things all the time. Like she sings to herself in the mirror and kisses those posters in her room."

Laura chuckled. "You'll probably do some silly things when you're older too."

"She even snuck out to see Tommy yesterday!"

Carmilla spun to look at him quickly. "She did _what_?" 

" _Oh_ boy... Um, Landon? Can you put Mommy back on the phone?" Laura urged delicately.

"Uh-oh. Mommy looks mad," he whispered into the phone.

"I bet. Go back to bed, sweetheart. I'll see you soon. I love you," the soldier ended.

"Love you too. Night, Mama," he said as he hesitantly handed Carmilla the phone. She pointed for him to go back to the bedroom as her jaw stayed clenched.

"I'm going to kill her," the brunette said when their son disappeared from sight.

" _Okay..._  You've always been a lady killer, but let's not make that literal," Laura tried to calm her down.

Carmilla began heading toward Livie's room before slowly peeking inside. The lights were out and she could clearly see the teenager snoring in bed. Carmilla's nostrils flared at the sight of her. "I wanna storm in and tear her a new one."

" _Carm_..."

The cafe owner closed the door quietly and headed back down the hall. "She snuck out, Laura! To see _Tommy_! Her _boyfriend_!" she hissed.

"I get that. But I need you to calm down before you do something insane."

"Insane? Like I would do anything uncalled for!"

"When you saw Tommy kiss her the first time, you headed into the cafe kitchen for a butcher knife."

"I can admit, I may have overreacted a little."

"You opened the door on their next date and greeted him with a saw in your hand."

"I was cutting off some extra branches on the Christmas tree!"

"You literally told him that you'd cut off every one of his limbs and feed them to Mr. Fox if he so much as touched Liv."

"Oh come on! It was a joke! That cat is the pickiest eater."

" _Carm_! Livie told me you scared him so much, he wouldn't even sit in the seat next to her in the movie theater!"

"What's your point, cupcake?" she glared into the wall.

"Just take a few breaths, please?" Laura said sweetly. Carmilla closed her eyes and reluctantly obeyed. "Okay. So maybe she snuck out to see him. But I think it's better if you wait until I get home before you do anything."

"Why?!"

"Babe, you're protective. And it's adorable. But I'm trying to prevent our teenage daughter from hating you."

Carmilla took in a sharp breath. "Do you understand how much this is gonna kill me to stay quiet?"

"Yes. I do," Laura said in amusement. "But we're gonna do this one together, okay? You and me. Super Moms."

"Ugh," the brunette groaned. "Can you come home now? I'm falling apart over here," she whined.

"I'll be home before you know it," she said with a sad smile.

"Fine," Carmilla said with a huff. "So... phone sex?"

"Go to sleep, Carm," Laura grinned and shook her head.

"You're no fun."

"I'll owe you one," the blonde giggled.

"Looking forward to it, cupcake."

After saying their farewells, Carmilla heard her daughter's door creak open. The young woman walked out with an empty glass of water and bedhead.

"Hey, Mom. What are you doing up?" Livie croaked as she entered the kitchen.

"Don't talk to me until your mother gets home," she growled with a sharp point of her finger. "Don't even look at me!" she added as she stormed off; leaving a very puzzled teenager in her wake.

When the soldier hung up the phone, the weight on her chest had lifted. Maybe she wasn't within arm's reach of her family, but they still brought out the strength she needed. And when Laura curled up in that unfamiliar bed, she smiled at the thought of home.

* * *

"Mama!"

Carmilla's head shot up from the cafe cash register. Landon jumped off the stool at the counter and ran to the door that had just chimed open.

"Hey, you! How's my handsome boy doin'?" Laura grinned as she bent down and squeezed her son into a tight embrace.

"I missed you!" he exclaimed as he held on tighter.

"Aw, I missed you _so_ much!" the soldier said with her heart overflowing.

"Mommy was grumpy the _whole_ time," he added when he pulled away.

"Oh, was she?" Laura asked in amusement as she grinned up at her approaching wife.

"I was not!" the brunette defended as she roughly ran her hand through his hair. He giggled in response.

"Aw, I missed you too," the blonde said as she leaned in and kissed her wife tenderly. Carmilla smiled back dreamily when their lips parted.

The door to the cafe chimed again causing the family to turn and look. Livie came in smiling as she started to unwrap her scarf from around her neck.

"Hey, Ma! Welcome home," she greeted as she kissed Laura on the cheek.

"Hey, hun," Laura answered with a gentle smile.

"Yeah, welcome home to you too," Carmilla said bitterly as she stared at her daughter.

Livie's eyes widened in alarm at her mother's tone.

Laura sighed. "Really, Carm? You couldn't wait until I at least used the bathroom first?"

The brunette ignored her wife. "We've gotta talk about the little stunt you pulled the other night." Livie stared back in confusion. "When you went to see Tommy, when you should have been sleeping," she spit out.

The fear was evident in the teenager's eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but didn't know what to say.

Laura sighed. "You're grounded for three weeks. Get upstairs and do your homework," she cut in quickly. Livie immediately left for the apartment causing Carmilla's mouth to drop as she stared at her departing daughter and then to her wife.

"That's it?!" the cafe owner exclaimed.

"You snuck out almost every day to see me when we were in high school," Laura replied with a tired look.

"I was a bad kid!"

"No you weren't," Laura argued, rolling her eyes. She tried to act all tough, but she wasn't a bad kid. Maybe misguided at times...

"You were a bad kid, Mommy?" Landon asked in wonder as he pulled on Carmilla's apron for her attention.

"No, she wasn't," the soldier correctly gently.

"Yes, I was!" Carmilla shouted. "I skipped school, hung out with a different girl every other week, and brought a flask of-" she caught herself as she looked down to see her son staring up at her with wide eyes. "I brought a flask of soda to every party." 

"Landon, can you go make sure your sister is doing what I asked?" Laura dismissed their son, who nodded eagerly with a grin, saluted, and then ran off.

The soldier chuckled at the boy before looking back her wife. She placed her hands on the brunette's shoulders and squeezed. "Carmilla, breathe." She took a deep breath; the blonde feeling the tension slowly creep out from her body. "Good?"

"She's lucky," Carmilla grumbled.

Laura chuckled as she brushed a strand of hair behind her wife's ear. "Not really. She gets to spend Saturday with my dad. He wanted help painting the garage."

" _Yessss_ ," the brunette slowly grinned. "That's what I'm talkin' about."

"You're way too happy about that."

"I'm the head of the house! She can't just disobey like that," Carmilla replied in annoyance.

" _You're_ the head of the house?" Laura asked with raised brows.

The cafe owner narrowed her eyes as she began to smirk. "You heard me."

She stepped a little closer and lowered her voice. "I bet I'll have you saying otherwise later tonight."

Carmilla lifted a brow as her smirk turned more devilish. "Is that a challenge, Captain Karnstein-Hollis?"

Laura's eyes traveled from those all too familiar lips to dark penetrating eyes. A shiver ran up her spine. "It's a guarantee."

The brunette opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off. "Carmilla! We need some help in the kitchen!" Perry shouted from the door that led to the back.

The cafe owner sighed before kissing Laura on the cheek. "We'll settle this later," she finished with a wink and retreated into the back.

Laura sighed contentedly as she took in the busy cafe. 

_It's good to be home._

 


	3. She Used To Be Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is basically a flashback chapter. I've been feeling really angsty. So... sorry?
> 
> I kept listening to "She Used To Be Mine," by Sara Bareilles, thus the chapter title.
> 
> Enjoy.

_**Many years ago...** _

_"It's weird. I haven't been home in over a year, but I can sometimes smell my mama's chicken marsala," he laughed as they went over another bump in the dirt road. He was one of four soldiers sitting in the back of the vehicle. They were on their way to a mission; fully geared._

_"I know what you mean. I smell my little boy's t-shirt every night before I go to sleep, and I know the scent can't be there anymore, but somehow it is," Betty responded with a tender smile._

_"What about you, Hollis? You never say much about home life," the remaining soldier questioned. The three stared at Laura expectantly, who had remained silent during the conversation for a reason._

_The blonde shrugged. "Not much to tell."_

_"Oh come on. We've been shoved together for how long now? Tell us somethin'," he pushed lightly. "Anyone waiting for you back home?"  
_

_Laura's brows furrowed. "No."_

_"Then who's 'Carm'?" Betty asked._

_The blonde's eyes widened as her head shot toward her companion. "Where did you hear that name?"_

_"You say it in your sleep sometimes."_

_Laura bowed her head toward her lap._

_"So? Who is she?" the other soldier asked._

_"She's no one."_

_One of the male soldiers chuckled. "Telltale sign that she is definitely **someone**."_

_"Well she's no one now," Laura replied harshly. She took a deep breath seeing her startled squad mates. "And she won't be waiting for me. I told her not to."_

_"Why?" Betty asked softly._

_The blonde clenched her jaw and pushed down the emotions blooming in her chest. "Because she deserves better."_

_"Than **you**? Hollis. You're like the golden child!" The vehicle came to a stop and their driver announced their arrival._

_"No," Laura began as she opened the door. "I'm nothing." And then she exited._

* * *

**_A few years after that..._ **

" _Write her a letter," Betty said as she handed her a piece of paper and a pen._

_Laura sat on her cot looking up in confusion. "Write who a letter?"_

_"Carm."_

_She scoffed. "What are we in the 1950s?"_

_"I'm serious."_

_"I have nothing to say to her, Betty."_

_Betty crossed her arms over her chest. "That seems pretty hard to believe if you're calling out to her in your sleep all the damn time. I've been hearing it for years now. Write to her."_

_"Knowing her, she'll burn it before reading it."_

_"We've been doing some pretty tough work lately. Don't you wanna say something, ya know, in case something happens?" Betty stared down at Laura, who was looking down at the ground. "I_ _s_ _n't it worth a shot?" she added before leaving Laura to her own thoughts._

_She stared down at the paper with a frown. It had been almost four years since she left. She had realized she could go halfway across the world, but her past was never going to leave her. Her mother's image on the study floor. Carmilla's dejection. It followed her._

_It haunted her._

_But in her dreams, she still reached out to the brooding brunette. Maybe writing a letter would be good for her. Maybe it would be good for Carmilla. That is, if she still cared._

_Laura took the paper and began writing._

**_"Hey. I'm not really sure what to say. I'm not even sure if you're going to read this."_ **

_She paused. Why would Carmilla still care? It's been four years. Her life had probably moved on. She probably wasn't even in Silas anymore. This was pointless._

_Laura shook her head and threw the pen and paper down to her side. "This is a waste of time," she said out loud as she bowed her head and ran her hands through her hair. Her eyes then landed back on the paper. She began to grind her teeth until she groaned and picked the items up again._

**_"I'm angry. For a lot of reasons. I'm angry about my mother. I'm angry my father didn't see she needed help. I'm angry I didn't see she needed help. I'm angry I couldn't do anything about it."_ **

_Laura's free hand formed into a fist and her jaw clenched._

**_"It's been four years and I'm still so angry. I've killed people. I've killed people and I've felt nothing. I feel so numb inside that it hurts when everything stands still. When I lay in bed at night, the pain creeps up and practically swallows me whole."_ **

_She closed her eyes and forced a swallow._

**_"I'm feeling it now. Writing to you. It always hurts when I think about you."_ **

_"Hollis! We're smoking stogies! Joining?" her superior called out from the barrack entrance._

_"You know I don't like that stuff, sir."_

_"Ah! One of these days, Hollis. One of these days," he yelled back before disappearing._

_Laura took a deep breath and stared down at the letter._

**_"No matter how hard I've tried to let you go, I can't. You're stuck to me. And it's so bittersweet. It hurts. But you ended up being the best part of me. And if I let you go, what's left?"_ **

_Her leg began to bounce up and down as she tried to rein in her emotions. Swallowing hard and continuing to clench her jaw._

**_"I hope you moved on. I hope you're happy. I hope you're living the life you deserve. And I hope you know,"_ ** _she paused, finding the courage to continue._ **_"I never meant to hurt anyone. Especially you."_ **

_A tear fell down her cheek as she sniffed._

**_"I'm sorry."_ **

_Her leg bounced harder as another tear fell down her cheek. She took a weak breath._

_" **I love you."**_

* * *

_"Hey, you need anything?" Perry asked as Carmilla rounded the corner and pulled the apron over her head._

_She raised a brow and tried to tie the apron around her very pregnant stomach. "No. I'm good, bridezilla. Thanks."_

_Will came back to the counter with a tray full of dirty dishes. "Hey, Kitty. Why don't you take it easy today? I'll take an extra shift."_

_"Or better yet, we can all bring our plates to the counter when we're done," Danny said from a nearby table. Kirsch, who was sitting with her, gave two thumbs up in agreement._

_Carmilla narrowed her eyes at everyone. "Okay, I know I look like I'm about to pop, but I'm not an invalid!"_

_"We know that, sweetie. You've just been under a lot of stress lately, so we thought-" Perry began._

_"You thought wrong!" Carmilla growled. "The last thing I need is pity. This is my cafe and if I wanna work in it, then I'm gonna fuckin' work in it!" The whole cafe went quiet from her outburst._

_"Kitty," Will started softly. "It's okay to be upset about Ell-"_

_The pregnant woman grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer. " **Don't** ever say that name to me again," she said through gritted teeth, and then roughly pushed him away._

_She stormed off into the storage room, slamming the door shut behind her. Her back fell against the door and she stared up at the ceiling taking slow, deep breaths. Her eyes began to water, and then, she felt the life in her stomach kicking._

_A silent sob fell from her mouth. Her hands sprawled across her stomach. Tears fell down her cheeks and quiet whimpers escaped her lips._

_She didn't know how she got here. Silas was never where she wanted to stay. Now here she was owning a cafe right in the middle of it. She got married and her wife left her. And now she was a few weeks away from having a child._

_She never felt so alone. So offtrack._

_But she had to keep going. She couldn't just sit and mope. She couldn't get caught in a downward spiral. This baby needed her. This baby needed better than that._

_So Carmilla wiped her eyes and the tear tracks from her cheeks. She took a few deep breaths, leaned off of the door and straightened her apron. With one final deep breath, she opened the door and exited._

_She stopped at the counter and stared out over her busy cafe. There was the occasional stranger, but most of her patrons were regulars. They all knew her. Most knew her from when she was just a child. She wondered what they must think of her; how they saw her in comparison to how they used to see her. It was probably an unexpected change. But was it a disappointing one?_

_"Hey, I just got the mail," Will said handing her the envelopes with a kind smile._

_She gave him a nod. "Thanks." Carmilla started sifting through the mail, seeing bill after bill. "Life goes on," she mumbled to herself._

* * *

 

_"So you're joining us after all, Hollis?" her superior grinned as he took a puff of his cigar. Betty sat beside him staring at Laura curiously._

_The blonde took a seat around the fire and stared into the flames. She was still struggling to keep her eyes from watering as she held onto the folded letter in her hands._

_"I heard from my wife today," their superior began. "My son got into college," he announced with pride._

_"Congratulations, sir," Betty said with a smile._

_"What about you, Spielsdorf? How's your boy doin'?" he asked genuinely._

_"He just joined a soccer team, actually. He plays goalie," she boasted._

_"Well, I'll be. He'll be a pro in no time." He turned to look at Laura. "Hollis." She looked up quickly. "You hear anything from home lately?"_

_"My friends are getting married," she said numbly as her honey eyes settled back on the fire. The weight of the letter in her hand seemingly increasing._

_"That's great! You gonna be back for the wedding?" he cheered, taking another puff of the cigar._

_"No," she said without removing her eyes from the flames._

_"Aw, that's a shame. Sorry to hear that," he commented._

_Laura shrugged. "It's no big deal." Then, she tossed the letter into the fire. Betty went to say something, but then stopped herself. She stared sadly at her friend._

_Laura watched the paper burn slowly. "Life goes on."_

* * *

 

_**Present time...** _

"What ya doin' over there?" Laura asked as she approached Livie in the living room.

The teenager groaned. "I'm supposed to write my future self a letter for class."

"Huh. That's kinda cool."

"Not really. A letter? What is this? The 1990s?"

"Hey! That wasn't that long ago! And we totally had cellphones back then!" she defended. "They were just really big and clunky..."

Livie rolled her eyes. "I don't even know what to say though!" she said, bringing the conversation back to the assignment.

"Liv, you talk to yourself all the time. Just pretend you're doing that."

"But that's me asking myself if I should wear a different sweater, or if I want to drink grape soda or orange soda. My future self wouldn't care about any of that," she huffed and sagged deeper into the couch.

Laura frowned as she tried to think.

"And what's the point of me even writing this? It's not like my future self is ever gonna read it."

"You don't know that. You might stumble across it somewhere down the line. But even if you don't, what does it matter if you ever see the letter again?" Laura asked. "What do you wish your life will be like? What do you hope is different? What do you hope is the same? Tell your future self those things," she suggested.

Livie nodded slowly. "Okay," she answered. "Thanks, Ma."

Laura winked. "You got it, kiddo." She headed into the kitchen and opened the fridge to find something to drink. But her thoughts took her somewhere else as she stared into the appliance. Would her teenage self wish for her current life? Would she be happy with how everything turned out? Would she have changed anything?

The front door flew open. "Laura! Landon is trying to get all the customers to eat bugs!" Carmilla growled as she carried the little boy under her arm.

"Landon!" Laura chastised. "Why are you doing that?!"

Carmilla put the boy on the floor and set her hands on her hips; nostrils flaring.

"The movie we watched showed everyone eating bugs and being happy!" he defended with his hands moving erratically.

"What?" Carmilla asked with squinting eyes.

"Hakuna matata!"

The cafe owner shook her head again. "What?"

"It means no worries!" Landon continued to explain with his arms waving around.

"Oh my God," Carmilla groaned as she buried her face into her palms. She looked up at Laura with a blank stare. "Today, he is _your_ son."

Laura lifted a finger in the air at her. "Oh no! Today, he is definitely _your_ son. He basically flirted with the bank teller to get an extra lollipop."

Carmilla smirked and then looked back down at Landon, who was frowning and had his arms crossed over his chest. "I take it back. You're one hundred percent my son." She bent down and held her arms out for a hug. He continued to frown before grinning and running into her arms. 

The brunette started tickling him. "We. Do not. Eat. Bugs, ya little rascal!" she exclaimed as he fell into a giggle fit.

Laura stared on with a loving smile. Her chest feeling more love with every second.

"Hey! Can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to talk to myself over here!" Livie called from the living room.

The blonde chuckled. Maybe her teenage self would be more than thrilled with how things turned out.


End file.
